That hurts a little. Stings, more like. Leaves this hollow feeling.
Not that I’ve talked to him for a months, but erasing me like that?
Maybe you said so, maybe when you told me, maybe I was blind.
Good bye, R.
Now comes the time for new beginnings. With the new year fast approaching that might be just as well. I need to get out of this rut. I need to find someone to connect with.
But first, I need to finish my exam due tomorrow.
Edit: Apparently not. Apparently he still wants me.
i hate crying in front of people so if i have ever cried in front of you, yes it does kinda mean you’re important but mostly it means it was a terrible accident that i will regret forever
I got myself an appointment with a therapist at school. It’s December 18th. I feel both weak and strong at the same time.
I owe it to the kid. He managed to talk some sense into me. Well, not really. He convinced me that the things I’ve been feeling and thinking lately are all things it’s okay to think and feel, and that talking to people and getting help don’t have to mean you’re weak. It can just as well mean you’re strong.
I don’t know if what I have is winter depression, I just know that every time it starts getting darker out, my mood darkens, too. My energy runs out. I start to want to sleep, all the time.
Maybe it’ll be good to finally get some perspective on it.
"Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions."
Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts (via januaryseraph)
All of the above.
I absolutely love this movie. I identify too strongly with both the characters.
Want to know what scares me?
The fact that I actually want to be in a relationship.
The fact that, lately, I’ve started thinking that I wish I would find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The fact that I’m not sure this is just the loneliness talking. That it might not just be because I’m feeling down lately and I wish someone would take that away, but that there’s a chance I just want a relationship.
A normal one. A simple one. One that isn’s a train-wreck or complete mess or complicated or just a fling. A normal, calm, no drama, simple, nice relationship.
Yeah. It scares me.
"You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win."
The People You Will Fall in Love With in Your 20s (via unlively)
I wanted to call
I always try
But it rings once, maybe one and a half times
And I just can’t seem to do it
Because of the fear that you might answer
What would I say?
And then there’s the fear that you won’t answer
Maybe because you were sleeping
Oh dear, I wouldn’t want to wake you
But then, maybe you really just don’t want to talk to me
And I wouldn’t want to make you even more upset with me
So the thoughts just keep spinning in my head
I don’t know what to do with them or where to go
I’m drowning in a pool of my own emotions and paralyzed with fear of ruining everything
"I wish people could just say how they feel like ‘Hey I really don’t like when you do that to me’ or ‘Hey I’m in love with you’ or ‘Hi I really miss you and I think about you all the time’ without sounding desperate. Why can’t everyone be painfully honest and just save people the trouble."
thekhoolhaus (via thatkindofwoman)
I’ve started doing this more often. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it backfires horribly. It really depends on the person you say it to.
I feel so god-damn lonely, and I just want it to stop.
It’s not that I don’t have people around me, it’s that I’m unable to bring myself to talk to them.
There was one, and he said I could call him any time things became to much to handle, but like always I am scared. I feel like I can’t, although he asked me to, because I do not want to be a burden.
I tried getting an appointment with the therapist at my school, but they were booked until the middle of january and simply said call back later.
Oh well. As soon as winter passes, my moods will get better. Roughly only four months left then…