"

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I won’t ever rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots babe
I just wanna be yours

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Maybe I just wanna be yours
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours

Let me be your ‘leccy meter and I’ll never run out
And let me be the portable heater that you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion (I wanna be)
Hold your hair in deep devotion (How deep?)
At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean
I wanna be yours

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Maybe I just wanna be yours
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours…

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I won’t ever rust
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours

"

Arctic Monkeys // I wanna be yours

"Ignoring your passion is slow suicide. Never ignore what your heart pumps for. Mold your career around your lifestyle not your lifestyle around your career."

(via j-ad0re)

(Source: beyondfabric, via haus-of-grotesque)

On a waiting list for a psychologist appointment. 

Went to see the therapist today (I like her. I trust her. She is a very calm, very reasonable person who shares many of my values and respects the choices I’ve made even when they’re not aligned with her values or when they’re downright dumb. She doesn’t judge any of the things I’ve done, but asks me why. She makes me feel like I can actually talk about things.) and she said maybe I’d do better with a psychologist. That I’m right in the middle of their target group. That maybe they can help me learn how to deal with emotions (which I’ve never done, never been good at). She also said I wasn’t to blame myself for the situation I managed to get into in Belgium. That it wasn’t my fault. That even with me going with a boy I didn’t know he shouldn’t have done what he did - called his friends and scared me half to death planning to do god knows what with me (I only caught some words in French, but they weren’t nice. I didn’t stick around to find out what they were going to do. I ran like hell.) She told me that she was really sad that something like that happened to me. That she wished she could tell me it was silly that I don’t feel safe walking the streets alone any more, but how really that is a more sane way of being because despite our wishes for a better world with nice people, really it isn’t safe to be a girl alone at night almost anywhere. She is very practical and realistic in her approach to things as well, another thing I like. But yeah. We talked for a while, and she told me time and time again it wasn’t my fault. That what is happening (the fear, the anger) is probably because of anxiety after the almost-incident in Belgium, and that the symptoms are typical. She agreed that the worst part is that I’m scared of what I might do when I get angry. She said that I am probably not going to do any of that because I am a functioning human being who doesn’t actually want to murder anybody. I agreed. 

Strangely, I hope the waiting time to see a psychologist isn’t too long. I definitely think I would benefit from it. I wish it weren’t so, but I acknowledge that it is though. 

At least I am trying to work on this. 

"Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be humble, but not timid. Be proud, but not arrogant."

(via ambermozo)

(Source: misjudgments, via petite-and-innocent)

"There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else."

Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle (via siusiaki)

(Source: simply-quotes, via siusiaki)

A little bit of everything.

Being an ambivert / best and worst of both worlds. 

I have extrovert tendencies. I talk to everyone. I love socialising. I am pretty much always out and about. On the other hand I have introvert tendencies. I need time alone to recharge. Although I gain a lot of energy whilst socialising I have a drop the next day where the more social I was the day before (and the happier), the more exhausted I am the next day. 

It is tiring as fuck. 

Especially considering that when I am exhausted my mind makes room for all the doubts and insecurities, and the later in the evening that day following a great evening, the worse it gets. And the worse it gets, the harder it is to calm down and go to bed, which is really the only thing that helps. 

And now I’m stuck in all these doubts. 
I am going to go to bed, I am going to do some breathing exercises, and I am going to tell myself everything will be okay - and then I am going to sleep. 

God. I just wish my dating life was less complicated sometimes. Most of the time I love having these different boys with whom I do different things. They fulfil different needs of mine both of the mind and flesh, and it is great most of the time, but… Sometimes I wish I had one special person. Someone who was mine, and to whom I could belong. I want to have someone that is completely safe sometimes, and I don’t have that now, and when I am feeling like I am feeling now that sucks. 

I have my friends, and they are great (you guys are great!) and I can talk to them, but it just isn’t the same. Much in part, I think, to the fact that my closest friends are girls, and that for some stupid fucking reason I find it a lot easier to talk to men. In my life they have typically been much calmer than the women I’ve been around, and that’s left me finding it far more easy to talk to them. I am not one for displays of emotion (apart from happiness). I prefer to just be able to say something, have it out there, get a suggestion for a fix and the going about fixing it. I want something simple and clear cut, because that is how I stop being confused - by having a course of action.

Also, on a completely different note, I saw the hashtag #polyamorousmess today, and I laughed so much. It is so accurate. Yup. “The Sir that is a play partner. You wish he was your Sir but know that it will never happen. #polyamorousmess”  
I bob up and down in way of how I feel about my polyamorous sir of this exact nature. Sometimes I wish there could be more there. Sometimes it seems he does, too. Then other times I just want to tell him “good bye” and have no more to do with him. I have also heard some things lately that leave me questioning how I feel. Nothing too bad, but there are these little things that bother me, that I must clear as truth or lies. 

Now I am going to have a glass of water and go to beed. Good night. 

"The first time I kissed you my whole body was shaking, and that was it, it only took me one kiss to get totally addicted to you"

(via saetern)

(Source: half-loved, via vinkeepylly)

This has happened a few times lately. I’m letting my feelings come to the surface. Now I just have to learn to deal with them.

This has happened a few times lately. I’m letting my feelings come to the surface. Now I just have to learn to deal with them.

(Source: nuvaranudorm, via im-fading-away)

"Cut the poison out of your life. No matter what - or whom - it may be."

Jeigo - It’s going to hurt before it gets better (via jeigo)

(via im-fading-away)

"I don’t owe people anything, and I don’t have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to."

Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story  (via versteur)

(Source: simply-quotes, via lapeaudelamemoire)

Anonymous said: Love your blog and the mastery over cunt psychology you display. Where did you get your training?

hardcore-puppets:

I didn’t get any training, specifically. There’s just a lot of stuff that applies throughout life that can be hijacked.

Look at management books, principals in soft positional management, hostage negotiation, Stockholm syndrome & neurolinguistics (case studies, not popsci) knowing a lot about technical writing helps; you’re aiming to phrase things in order to remove ambiguity and doubt and present only a single possible outcome: its not that you expect your submissive to weasel out of things you’ve asked for, it’s that you don’t want an interpretation layer in what you’re asking them, no matter how small. 

Think of it like the difference between ordering a burger the way you want it, and ordering it in the way the Burger-place-worker has to punch it into the till. When you learn how to do it the latter way, there’s a palpable relief on the part of the worker, who no longer has to translate what you want into what they have to do.

Once you’ve established simple compliance, Its less about demanding things and more about presenting absolute clarity and maneuvering the subconscious. Creating simple puzzles that the submissive can solve and feel relief and a sense of achievement for completing makes unpacking their resistance a game that they like to win.

Habituate your property to feel a sense of relief and happiness when they perceive and meet your needs without being asked. I typically go very heavy on positive verbal and mental reinforcement and light on physical rewards. Punishment is reserved for instances of insubordination rather than incomplete or inadequate service : to my mind, it’s my failing if they’re not habitually giving me 100%

By going light on physical reward you remove positive experiences from the arrangement : instead of encouraging contact materialism, you encourage service. More I do this because good girls do it and I am a good girl and I like being a good girl and much less if I do this then he’ll let me go to the concert at the weekend. It allows me to keep the small gestures romantic rather than part of bargaining.

In the end, I prefer implicit rather than explicit power structures. My girls defer to me because that’s how I’ve taught them to prefer things. They don’t need to remind themselves of their role, which makes it much easier to maintain mine by creating a space for me to act within. 

Notes

Somewhere out there, a dude will read this and go “Lame. I dont bargain, I get what I want” and frankly the only thing I have to say to these people is that they have absolutely no idea what they are doing, in the most literal sense of the phrase. “Do this or I hit you” “Do this or I leave” and “Do this because I say so” are all forms of bargaining. They’re also clumsy, crude and childish. We can do better.

These are things I appreciate in a partner. 

"I’ve always loved the idea of not being what people expect me to be."

Dita Von Teese  (via tahpssi)

(Source: dita-van-teese, via xlock)