Me masturbating to porn

sweet-yet-kinky:

thisgirls-sporadicmind:

mrj-mrsc:

defiantsubmissive:

Truth.

I strive to make MrsC feel this safe with me!  MrJ

It’s so scary to show all of those feelings.

Absolutely

sweet-yet-kinky:

thisgirls-sporadicmind:

mrj-mrsc:

defiantsubmissive:

Truth.

I strive to make MrsC feel this safe with me!  MrJ

It’s so scary to show all of those feelings.

Absolutely

(Source: hissexydisaster)

I need to travel soon.

Need to get away from here. 
Need to do what I love more than anything in the world. 

There are so many places I want to see, and it’s about time to start. 
I will save up money. I will get rid of all the things I have that i don’t need. I will make it easier for myself to up and leave - go places and do things, and instead of buying more clutter I will save my earnings so that I can do just that. 

This is my new life plan. 
I am serious about it.

"I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love."

(via avvfvl)

(Source: wordsthat-speak, via areyoutryingtodeduceme)

I don’t know how to handle this.

I pretend I’m fine, and mostly I am, but this is bothering me more than I thought. I am going to talk more about it to the psychologist next appointment. 

I went to the movies (with one of few people I told about the whole Belgium ordeal) today, and in the movie there was a scene where it was very clear that rape would occur had the main character not managed to get out of the situation, and I have never really reacted to those kinds of scenes before, but I just felt this discomfort welling up in me. This anxious feeling, the anger that always accompanies any not-good feeling in me. It was almost like feeling someone else’s feelings. My chest tightened. I felt this nervous prickling everywhere. 

I know that if I hadn’t run away from the guys in Belgium I would have been raped. Fuck, I’m absolutely certain. They even came running after me, and I have never been more scared in my life. One of them even came after me on a motor-bike. I’m not sure how I got away, and I am so glad that I did. 

The counsellor told me that it wasn’t my fault. The very few people that I’ve told have told me it wasn’t my fault. The psychologist says it wasn’t my fault.

I still feel like it was my fucking fault. I got away from my friends. My fault. I went “home” with a stranger. My fault. I didn’t trust my instincts to just leave the first time. My fault. I ended up in that situation, and it feels a lot like it was my fault.

Suddenly I understand what girls have been talking about saying they’re scared to walk alone at night, scared of guys walking the same way as them on dark roads, scared of sounds behind them. I never did before, not in this way, but now I fucking understand the fear they feel, and I wish I didn’t. I wish I felt safe again, like I always did. I wish I didn’t clench my fists every time I hear a scooter or motorbike when I’m out alone after dark, but I do.

It’s not a permanent fear, much like it’s not a permanent bad feeling, but it gets triggered by little things. A sound. A scene in a movie. A guy not shutting up when I tell him to.

I am so, so, so tired it is absolutely ridiculous, and I am worried the next few months are going to be hell with work, studies and a start-up company being a lot (even for me) to take on.
I am hungry, and I am falling asleep on the bus and I want to get home.

All that being said, I am really happy.

As the munch was drawing to a close tonight, having talked to lovely people all night and even found a couple my age and sanity level (Gasp! This doesn’t happen often in the local kink-scene) that I’ll be keeping in touch with, I suddenly got extremely tired. A long day, too little food and a beer combined. I was sitting talking to H, and I rested my head on his shoulder. It is the fist time I have initiated physical contact with him in public. I think he could tell I wasn’t sure if I was out of bounds. “It’s okay” he said. I felt so much more relaxed touching him. Whereas the tiredness had been of the desperate kind that has me getting super emotional, being close to him made it feel bearable, more like sleepyness than collapsing. He made sure I got on my way home, finding a way that let us travel together for a while.

I have been wondering about him lately. About whether I was still interested, what I really think of him. I still don’t quite know what I want, but I know that I like his company, and that he makes me feel calm and takes care if me and is good for me. That’s enough for now, and I’ll deal with things as they come.

(Source: bipolarshinji, via kittenvomit)

"You must not reduce yourself to a puddle just because the person you like is afraid to swim and you are a fierce sea to them; because there will be someone who was born with love of the waves within their blood, and they will look at you with fear and respect."

T.B. LaBerge // Things I’m Still Learning at 25 (via tblaberge)

I need to write this down and put it everywhere. Every mirror. Every drawer. In my car. Write it on my heart.

(via asleepylioness)

(via gallifreyansub)

"Learn to say ‘no’ without explaining yourself."

(via suspend)

(Source: j-term, via spacecake)

"Daytime sleep is like the sin of the flesh; the more you have the more you want, and yet you feel unhappy, sated and unsated at the same time."

Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose  (via gold—dust-woman)

(via gold--dust-woman)

"

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I won’t ever rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots babe
I just wanna be yours

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Maybe I just wanna be yours
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours

Let me be your ‘leccy meter and I’ll never run out
And let me be the portable heater that you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion (I wanna be)
Hold your hair in deep devotion (How deep?)
At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean
I wanna be yours

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Maybe I just wanna be yours
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours
Wanna be yours, wanna be yours, wanna be yours…

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I won’t ever rust
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours
I just wanna be yours

"

Arctic Monkeys // I wanna be yours

"Ignoring your passion is slow suicide. Never ignore what your heart pumps for. Mold your career around your lifestyle not your lifestyle around your career."

(via j-ad0re)

(Source: beyondfabric, via haus-of-grotesque)