"I don’t owe people anything, and I don’t have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to."
Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story (via versteur)
Anonymous said: Love your blog and the mastery over cunt psychology you display. Where did you get your training?
I didn’t get any training, specifically. There’s just a lot of stuff that applies throughout life that can be hijacked.
Look at management books, principals in soft positional management, hostage negotiation, Stockholm syndrome & neurolinguistics (case studies, not popsci) knowing a lot about technical writing helps; you’re aiming to phrase things in order to remove ambiguity and doubt and present only a single possible outcome: its not that you expect your submissive to weasel out of things you’ve asked for, it’s that you don’t want an interpretation layer in what you’re asking them, no matter how small.
Think of it like the difference between ordering a burger the way you want it, and ordering it in the way the Burger-place-worker has to punch it into the till. When you learn how to do it the latter way, there’s a palpable relief on the part of the worker, who no longer has to translate what you want into what they have to do.
Once you’ve established simple compliance, Its less about demanding things and more about presenting absolute clarity and maneuvering the subconscious. Creating simple puzzles that the submissive can solve and feel relief and a sense of achievement for completing makes unpacking their resistance a game that they like to win.
Habituate your property to feel a sense of relief and happiness when they perceive and meet your needs without being asked. I typically go very heavy on positive verbal and mental reinforcement and light on physical rewards. Punishment is reserved for instances of insubordination rather than incomplete or inadequate service : to my mind, it’s my failing if they’re not habitually giving me 100%
By going light on physical reward you remove positive experiences from the arrangement : instead of encouraging contact materialism, you encourage service. More I do this because good girls do it and I am a good girl and I like being a good girl and much less if I do this then he’ll let me go to the concert at the weekend. It allows me to keep the small gestures romantic rather than part of bargaining.
In the end, I prefer implicit rather than explicit power structures. My girls defer to me because that’s how I’ve taught them to prefer things. They don’t need to remind themselves of their role, which makes it much easier to maintain mine by creating a space for me to act within.
Somewhere out there, a dude will read this and go “Lame. I dont bargain, I get what I want” and frankly the only thing I have to say to these people is that they have absolutely no idea what they are doing, in the most literal sense of the phrase. “Do this or I hit you” “Do this or I leave” and “Do this because I say so” are all forms of bargaining. They’re also clumsy, crude and childish. We can do better.
These are things I appreciate in a partner.
"I’ve always loved the idea of not being what people expect me to be."
Dita Von Teese (via tahpssi)
"Keep me close or I’ll slip away the second your eyes turn their gaze.
I’ll slide into nothingness with my hands clenched as fists,
Like smoke I will fade away, forever out of reach."
kg. (via copyr1ghts)
"So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide."
Meredith Grey (via purplebuddhaproject)
Coming to terms with the fact that monogamy might not be the best option for me.
I mean, I do like monogamous relationships, but I think I prefer my current situation as of now. Having many boys (and girls if any should appear). Courting and/or being courted by several others. Some closer than others.
I would like to be in a relationship with someone open to being this way, so that I could try. Try living like this even with one or more established partners. Add it to the list of things I do that aren’t socially acceptable. I used to be very scared of how people would see me if I did so, but I’ve realised that my friends still accept me no matter what, and that my parents are going to love me even if they do not necessarily agree with my life choices - and when that is the case, who else is there really to care about?
I’m probably going to put a lot more thought into this.
"I wonder what I’m like when I exist inside your head"
I’m trying something new.
Trying to actually talk to people about the things that are bothering me.
After pretty much the worst ever reaction I’ve had to any scenario (that incident which had me hyperventilating, running, punching the ground) about a week ago and the confrontation by my two best friends thereafter I realise that I really fucking have to work on this shit.
I have people that love me. I have people that care about me. I have people to talk to, and who want me to tell them what’s going through my head, and I really need to respect them enough to do so. To acknowledge their friendship, their kindness and their worries, and to talk to them when I am thinking all the shit that goes through my mind. They want to help me. That is all. I know that. I have always known that, but I have been so fucking afraid.
I am going to try, though.
It’ll be a long, slow process, but I am going to learn, and I am going to end up a better version of myself.
I promise I am trying.
I may be tipsy and tired right now, but this will continue even when I’m sober and awake. I promise. Right here and now. In writing.
Hold me to it.
"Come lay with me. I wanna talk about nothing with someone that means something."
Cameron D. Brown (via trillvcvm)
I scared myself yesterday.
I got so mad that I wanted to hit a man until he was face down and unable to move. If I’d have started, I know I wouldn’t have been able to stop. It took all I had not to seriously harm another human. It took all my strength not to act out. It took hyperventilating, a run, a round of punching the ground, and more than an hour to calm down.
I was terrified of myself.
I need to learn to deal with my emotions.